Letter To My Wife

I love you.

I believe in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. I believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, called to restore the gospel in the latter days in preparation for the Second Coming. I believe he restored priesthood authority to the earth, translated the Book of Mormon by the gift and power of God, and re-established the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I believe he restored eternal truths that help us better understand the plan of salvation—the sealing power, who we are, where we came from, and where we can go after this life.

I desire an eternal sealing with you where together we can receive all the blessings our Father in Heaven has prepared for us in the Celestial Kingdom. I long to have our children raised by parents who know these truths, who can guide and testify of them, so that they too may remain faithful, endure to the end, and receive exaltation and eternal life.

While I know these things are true and come from God, I also know that you have your own agency. That has always been central to the plan of salvation—our ability to choose truth for ourselves. But because I love you so deeply, I cannot quietly stand by and watch you accept this new “faith,” or lack thereof, as truth.

I have seen how anti-Mormon literature, cloaked in convincing arguments and disguised as historical truth, found in The CES Letter and Letter for My Wife, has shaken your faith in the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. Because of my love for you, I feel compelled to act—to do all I can to ensure that we know what is indeed truth and expose the falsehoods and manipulations that seek to destroy faith and lead to damnation.

This is why I am writing this ongoing letter to you as an expression of my love and testimony. This letter serves as a journal where I can share my spiritual experiences and the evidences that have strengthened my faith. My hope is that sharing these things will help reignite the light in you and help you to feel the Spirit again. I hope that these words and experiences will help you to remember who you truly are—a divine daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. In addition to uplifting spiritual experiences, I am committed to address the doubts created by The Letter for My Wife, and expose the misleading claims that have caused confusion and disbelief.

The Purpose Behind The CES Letter and Letter For My Wife

It is my belief that these “letters” were not written by sincere seekers of truth, but by apostates, influenced by the adversary, with the intent to evangelize anti-Mormon teachings. The author of The CES Letter was never truly looking for answers; rather, he crafted it to appear as though the CES director could not respond to his “sincere questions” because the there were no answers. In reality, there are answers to all of these questions and the substance behind many of them was built on a sandy foundation. He was the one being deceptive—manipulating facts, appealing to emotion, and luring readers into doubt. The authors of these letters seek to diminish faith, not build it.

The truth is that there are answers and explanations to every single one of these questions—especially when viewed through credible historical sources and with the light and guidance of the Holy Ghost.

These authors stretch the truth, rely on questionable and biased sources that no credible historian would use, and present information through a narrative designed to make readers assume Joseph Smith was wicked and deceitful, and therefore could not have been a prophet. They know that if they can get you to doubt Joseph Smith’s divine calling, it leads to the next question: if he wasn’t a prophet, is any of it true? Does God even exist?

It is vital that we recognize the character, intent, and manipulative tactics behind anti-LDS teachings.

Like Korihor in the Book of Mormon, the letter authors have been deceived by the adversary and have become evangelists for disbelief. It is easier to justify doubt or sin through strength in numbers. Deep in their souls, they may still have a small belief in the truth of the gospel—there may still be some light in them—but the more they persuade others to believe as they do, the easier it becomes to justify and feel empowered by their choices and diminish that remaining light. It’s all about strength in numbers. It’s easier to justify your disbeliefs if there are others with the same doubts and beliefs of which you can associate.

Real Scholarship and Honest History

While I love Church history and love learning the real stories of these faithful early Saints, I am not a scholar or historian. There are real scholars and historians who have done extensive research, who study the actual documents and the people who lived and wrote them—debunking the lies and falsehoods represented by these controversial letters.

If your doubts truly come from believing that the “history” told by these letters is accurate, please read the rebuttals to The CES Letter and Letter for My Wife written by real historians.

As I do love history, the scriptures, and studying the gospel I will share my heartfelt personal interpretation and understanding I have received of these issues. Working on this project, praying and studying so much has brought me closer to the spirit than I have been in years. I hope that somehow this light can be shared with you.

Faith Supported by Evidence

I believe that when we look only at the historical evidence as arguments for the truth of the gospel, the evidence overwhelmingly support beliefs, the viewpoint that the Church has shared all along. There is a reason so many Church historians and scholars, like Gerrit Dirkmaat, Steven Harper and Susan Easton Black, who have studied thousands of original documents from hundreds of early saints have some of the strongest testimonies of the restoration of the gospel. Through their study of history, they know what the people who knew Joseph thought about Joseph— that he was sincere and did all his best to follow God.

These LDS historians study all the available sources in context, not just a few extrapoliated sources here and there that support the narrative they are using to convince you to believe the same.

Judging by the Fruits

Even if the actual history—not the secondhand claims repeated by apostates filled with anger and envy—did show that Joseph and Brigham had faults, made mistakes, and committed sins, I still believe the Church is true because of the good it does. Because of its fruits. Because of the way it leads people to Jesus Christ.

The Savior said,

“By their fruits ye shall know them.” A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

Like Lehi of old, I have partaken of the fruit of the Tree of Life and desire to share it with my family. The love of God is real; it is good. I have felt it many times in my life—many of those times with you.

Like Joseph Smith, I want to say:

“I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it.”

The Good of the Restored Church

Only one of these can be true—either Joseph Smith was a prophet who talked with God and restored priesthood keys preparing the world for the second coming—or he was a fraud. These cannot both be right. While we can have different beliefes, there is only one truth.

When we look at the latter-day Church, it is good. It leads people to Jesus Christ, to truth, and to salvation in a way no other organization can. It leads people to happier lives and eternal hope. It helps people temporly and spiritually including helping us overcome challenges and strengthen faith. The Church is good fruit. It would be hard to find another organization in the world that does as much good as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

My Ongoing Testimony

While I can’t convince you of the truths I know, I can share the experiences that have led me to believe. Even if reading these is uncomfortable for you right now, and you feel that I am the one who is deceived, perhaps there will be a later time when the Spirit can touch your heart and remind you again of the light and truth you once believed. You once had that testimony, and I believe that if you desire you can receive it again.

These are some of the key thoughts and experiences that have built my faith and testimony. Please read these posts, read all of my words. I have organized the posts under the following blog categories:

I plan to continue updating this website regularly as an ongoing record of faith and spiritual experiences. My primary purpose is to help you believe again, but also to leave a personal record for our children and posterity—so they will know the tender mercies I have experienced, what I believe, and why I live and act as I do. Reflecting on and writing my testimony has already strengthened my faith and brought me the peace that comes from being closer to Christ during a difficult time.

You, of course, have your agency, and perhaps you will never believe again. But maybe the reason I felt impressed to create my thoughts on Letter for My Wife is not only for you, but also for someone else—someone searching online for anti-Mormon material who instead finds this website, reads these words, and feels the spirit of light and truth. And perhaps, because of that, they won’t have to go through the same hardships, struggles, and sleepless nights that we are experiencing as result of your faith crisis.

My Final Request – Have Faith

Because of the testimony I have, I cannot sit idly by and be content letting you live without faith. In the most compassionate way possible, I will continue to fight. I will continue to share. I will continue to testify.

My final hope and purpose in writing this letter is to encourage you to not give up. Please do not turn away from the source of light and that which is good. Stay away from those things that lead to doubt and darkness. Exercise a particle of faith. Have faith to pray to God—that He will lead and guide you.

The first principle of the gospel is faith. I believe that learning to have faith and trust in God is one of the key purposes of our mortal experience on earth. Even if I could provide overwhelming evidence that God lives, reveals truth today, and that the authors of those letters used dishonest and manipulative techniques to create doubt and confusion, it would still require faith on your part to believe and regain confidence in our Savior Jesus Christ and His restored church.

The prophet Alma taught in Alma 32,

27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

28 Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.

29 Now behold, would not this increase your faith? I say unto you, Yea; nevertheless it hath not grown up to a perfect knowledge.

30 But behold, as the seed swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, then you must needs say that the seed is good; for behold it swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow. And now, behold, will not this strengthen your faith? Yea, it will strengthen your faith: for ye will say I know that this is a good seed; for behold it sprouteth and beginneth to grow.

31 And now, behold, are ye sure that this is a good seed? I say unto you, Yea; for every seed bringeth forth unto its own likeness.

What Would Missionary Megan tell Modern Megan?

I invite you to go back in time to twenty-one years, to the Sister missionary who was called to serve in Romania filled with light and faith. What would that version of you say to the one standing here now? You probably would have testified that the Book of Mormon is true, that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, that Jesus Christ is your Savior, and that His Church has been restored in the latter days. You would have told your future self that these truths are still accessible—that anyone, including current Megan, can know them by turning to the word of God and praying with real intent, trusting that Christ will manifest the truth by the power of the Holy Ghost.

Trust The Savior

Lastly, trust in the Savior. Trust in His atoning love. While therapists have helped you feel some security, peace, and confidence—which I am grateful for—I believe that our Savior, Jesus Christ, is the only true therapist who can give you the eternal peace and confidence you long for. He loves you. He understands your trials and burdens. He knows your true worth. He has bought you with a price, and you are His.

A wise woman once said, “There is Joy, Find It”

I believe that, that joy is found through the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

He invites,

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

If you keep striving, I believe that eventually, God will help you to restore your faith.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Truth will prevail. And the truth will set you free.

As I’ve worked through this letter over the last few weeks, I’ve felt a deeper love for you and a stronger desire for our relationship to endure—not just in this life, but eternally. The thought of potentialy not being with you forever has made me realize how much I love you and how much I need you by my side in the life to come. You mean more to me than anything, and I want our future to rest on truth, on faith, and on the promises God has given us.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. It matters to me more than you know.

Your Loving Husband,

-Alan

P. S.

Out of respect for you and your feelings at this time, I won’t bring up any of the thoughts or concerns I’ve shared in this letter on my own. I don’t want to create contention. But when you’re ready, please talk to me about any questions or doubts you have. When you’re ready, I hope you’ll feel comfortable opening up so we can work through them together.